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Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Acupressure For Irritable Bowel Syndrome Emergencies
Whether you have actually been diagnosed with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) or you just had one too many cups of coffee on a road trip, most of us have been in the dire situation of needing a restroom fast! Acupressure applied to an acupuncture point on the arm will give you the fifteen minutes you may need to get you there.
Acupuncture theory has evolved over thousands of years of documented experience and remains an effective and integral part of Chinese Medicine today. Chinese Medicine believes that the human body is an energetic field where energy flows over the surface on very specific pathways called meridians. There are twelve meridians that connect with specific organs in the body. For example, the Stomach meridian connects with the stomach. Yet the pathway of the Stomach meridian starts below the eyeball, runs down the face and along the jaw to the hairline, and then travels all the way down the front of the body and leg to the corner of the second toe. Acupuncture points on the Stomach meridian address not only digestive issues, but also pain along the entire path of the Stomach meridian. There are eight "extra" meridians that serve as a reservoir to handle either congested energy or deficient energy in the regular meridians. All of the meridians are connected in a number of ways to serve as a communication network to regulate the physical and emotional functioning of the body.
Hundreds of acupuncture points are located on these meridians. Each of these points has an effect on the physiological functioning of the human body. Some points are more powerful and more commonly used than others. They can be stimulated in a number of ways. Historically and most commonly, acupuncture points have been stimulated with a very fine needle. Sometimes an herb called moxa is burned over an acupuncture point. More recently, laser has been used to stimulate acupuncture points. There are several points that are quite famous for being effective by just applying firm finger pressure, or acupressure.
Intestine Gate is one such acupuncture point. This is a point that is located on the Small Intestine meridian. The Small Intestine meridian is located on the ulnar, or little finger, side of the arm. This acupuncture point was documented by Master Tung. Master Tung was a Taiwanese acupuncturist who identified hundreds of acupuncture points both on and slightly off the regular meridians. I have personally found his points and theories of selecting them for treatment to be very powerful.
If you look at your arm, palm down, Intestine Gate is located on the little finger side of the arm, about three inches above the wrist for the average adult. The point is located in the groove between the ulnar bone and the muscle below it. If you are looking at your left arm, use the index finger of your right hand to locate this point and apply firm pressure against the bone. This will have an immediate effect on the rectum and take away the sensation that you cannot make it to the restroom. You can even do this while driving a car and trying to get to the next exit on the freeway! If the point gets sore on one arm from the firm pressure, you can switch to the other arm. Try it. This is one acupuncture point you will remember!
Acupuncture theory has evolved over thousands of years of documented experience and remains an effective and integral part of Chinese Medicine today. Chinese Medicine believes that the human body is an energetic field where energy flows over the surface on very specific pathways called meridians. There are twelve meridians that connect with specific organs in the body. For example, the Stomach meridian connects with the stomach. Yet the pathway of the Stomach meridian starts below the eyeball, runs down the face and along the jaw to the hairline, and then travels all the way down the front of the body and leg to the corner of the second toe. Acupuncture points on the Stomach meridian address not only digestive issues, but also pain along the entire path of the Stomach meridian. There are eight "extra" meridians that serve as a reservoir to handle either congested energy or deficient energy in the regular meridians. All of the meridians are connected in a number of ways to serve as a communication network to regulate the physical and emotional functioning of the body.
Hundreds of acupuncture points are located on these meridians. Each of these points has an effect on the physiological functioning of the human body. Some points are more powerful and more commonly used than others. They can be stimulated in a number of ways. Historically and most commonly, acupuncture points have been stimulated with a very fine needle. Sometimes an herb called moxa is burned over an acupuncture point. More recently, laser has been used to stimulate acupuncture points. There are several points that are quite famous for being effective by just applying firm finger pressure, or acupressure.
Intestine Gate is one such acupuncture point. This is a point that is located on the Small Intestine meridian. The Small Intestine meridian is located on the ulnar, or little finger, side of the arm. This acupuncture point was documented by Master Tung. Master Tung was a Taiwanese acupuncturist who identified hundreds of acupuncture points both on and slightly off the regular meridians. I have personally found his points and theories of selecting them for treatment to be very powerful.
If you look at your arm, palm down, Intestine Gate is located on the little finger side of the arm, about three inches above the wrist for the average adult. The point is located in the groove between the ulnar bone and the muscle below it. If you are looking at your left arm, use the index finger of your right hand to locate this point and apply firm pressure against the bone. This will have an immediate effect on the rectum and take away the sensation that you cannot make it to the restroom. You can even do this while driving a car and trying to get to the next exit on the freeway! If the point gets sore on one arm from the firm pressure, you can switch to the other arm. Try it. This is one acupuncture point you will remember!
Natural Holistic Acne Treatment
Acne has over the years become a household name. It is a skin condition that is common in teenagers. In teenagers, it occurs as result of rapid changes in their body systems. During these growing stages, their hormonal balance is altered or interrupted, thereby resulting in the condition popularly known as acne. However, acne is not only peculiar to teenagers; it is also known to affect a wide range of adults as well. If you suffer from acne beyond your teenage years, you may be looking for the best natural acne treatment available. If you have tried so many drugs from the pharmacy, or maybe you have taken countless number of trips to the dermatologist all to no avail, the more natural means of acne treatment might just be the best option.
However, the best to adopt as a means of treating acne is to approach the problem of acne holistically. This is because there is no over the counter cream or medications that can help you get rid of acne completely. Because these creams are applied externally, they can only help you suppress the symptoms, and then you keep getting repeated outbreaks again and again.
The best natural acne treatment however will not only focus on how to remove the symptoms from your face and any other area, but it also focuses on flushing out and getting rid of all the toxins in the body, which is the actual root cause of your acne in the first place, because acne occurs as a result of the accumulation of toxic substances in the body, which are not completely removed by the skin. So the holistic approach of acne treatment is actually targeted at helping you eliminate all those excess toxins by detoxifying the body system through the best natural means available, and at the same time, also helping you clear the acne symptoms, on your face and any other area.
Another reason why holistic acne cure is the best is that you do not really need any expensive budget. Most of the material you will be using are either available in your kitchen, or the local grocery store at give-away prices. Substances such as honey and lemon are core parts of the holistic acne treatment.
However, the best to adopt as a means of treating acne is to approach the problem of acne holistically. This is because there is no over the counter cream or medications that can help you get rid of acne completely. Because these creams are applied externally, they can only help you suppress the symptoms, and then you keep getting repeated outbreaks again and again.
The best natural acne treatment however will not only focus on how to remove the symptoms from your face and any other area, but it also focuses on flushing out and getting rid of all the toxins in the body, which is the actual root cause of your acne in the first place, because acne occurs as a result of the accumulation of toxic substances in the body, which are not completely removed by the skin. So the holistic approach of acne treatment is actually targeted at helping you eliminate all those excess toxins by detoxifying the body system through the best natural means available, and at the same time, also helping you clear the acne symptoms, on your face and any other area.
Another reason why holistic acne cure is the best is that you do not really need any expensive budget. Most of the material you will be using are either available in your kitchen, or the local grocery store at give-away prices. Substances such as honey and lemon are core parts of the holistic acne treatment.
Different Effective Antibiotics for Acne
Acne is a skin problem that commonly develops to individuals especially teenagers. There are so many treatments for acne such as creams, lotions and over the counter products but the most prescribed medications of doctors and dermatologists are antibiotics for acne. Antibiotics have been believed to effectively decrease the germs and bacteria in the affected skin area.
Antibiotics simply means "against life" in Greek. It is responsible in killing bacteria and germs as well as living organisms in the human body. Taking of antibiotics may be of beneficial to us because it is effective in fighting the bad organisms that causes more acne. But keep this in mind that antibiotics should not be taken too much because it may affect our health. This medication may just help in soothing the acne for a short period of time and may result to negative effects eventually.
All chemical medications may have side effects and that also includes antibiotics for acne. All antibiotics for acne may cause Candida vaginal yeast infections in women that take these medicines. Tetracycline is the most widely prescribed antibiotic for acne that usually has the side effects. Other side effects you will experience are diarrhea and allergic reactions because of the antibiotics.
Here are some antibiotics for acne that you can use to treat that annoying and irritating acne:
• Tetracycline antibiotic - this is used to treat certain kinds of bacterial infections including acne. This antibiotic is widely prescribed by most doctors and dermatologists. This is most effective when taken with an empty stomach. This antibiotic is advisable for pregnant women or young children as it may bring negative effects on them.
• Erythromycin - this is also a common antibiotic used to treat acne. This antibiotic is much milder than the tetracycline because it has anti-inflammatory properties that help lessen redness in lesions. This antibiotic should be taken with food to make it effective.
• Minocycline - this antibiotic has been derived from tetracycline and has been used for a long time as an effective medication for acne. This is used specifically for pustular type of acne. Some side effects of this antibiotic include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, skin and tooth color changes.
• Doxycycline - This antibiotic is used when tetracycline and erythromycin does not effectively works. It is important that this should be taken with food. This may just cause sunburns.
• Clindamycin - This is very effective as an oral antibiotic for acne. The major side effect by taking this medication serious intestinal infection.
If you don't want to experience side effects to treat your skin acne problem, you can always opt for the alternatives. There are natural treatments that you can use to treat that acne and most of these treatments are found in your own homes. Acne also develops because of the toxins inside our body so it is essential that we apply a balanced diet and stop eating junks and unhealthy foods like the fatty and oily ones.
Antibiotics simply means "against life" in Greek. It is responsible in killing bacteria and germs as well as living organisms in the human body. Taking of antibiotics may be of beneficial to us because it is effective in fighting the bad organisms that causes more acne. But keep this in mind that antibiotics should not be taken too much because it may affect our health. This medication may just help in soothing the acne for a short period of time and may result to negative effects eventually.
All chemical medications may have side effects and that also includes antibiotics for acne. All antibiotics for acne may cause Candida vaginal yeast infections in women that take these medicines. Tetracycline is the most widely prescribed antibiotic for acne that usually has the side effects. Other side effects you will experience are diarrhea and allergic reactions because of the antibiotics.
Here are some antibiotics for acne that you can use to treat that annoying and irritating acne:
• Tetracycline antibiotic - this is used to treat certain kinds of bacterial infections including acne. This antibiotic is widely prescribed by most doctors and dermatologists. This is most effective when taken with an empty stomach. This antibiotic is advisable for pregnant women or young children as it may bring negative effects on them.
• Erythromycin - this is also a common antibiotic used to treat acne. This antibiotic is much milder than the tetracycline because it has anti-inflammatory properties that help lessen redness in lesions. This antibiotic should be taken with food to make it effective.
• Minocycline - this antibiotic has been derived from tetracycline and has been used for a long time as an effective medication for acne. This is used specifically for pustular type of acne. Some side effects of this antibiotic include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, skin and tooth color changes.
• Doxycycline - This antibiotic is used when tetracycline and erythromycin does not effectively works. It is important that this should be taken with food. This may just cause sunburns.
• Clindamycin - This is very effective as an oral antibiotic for acne. The major side effect by taking this medication serious intestinal infection.
If you don't want to experience side effects to treat your skin acne problem, you can always opt for the alternatives. There are natural treatments that you can use to treat that acne and most of these treatments are found in your own homes. Acne also develops because of the toxins inside our body so it is essential that we apply a balanced diet and stop eating junks and unhealthy foods like the fatty and oily ones.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Cookies and Ice Cream Are Evil
Cookies and ice cream are evil, bringing out the ghost in me. I am inviting negativity into my life. They are infected with hopes that something will change, somehow life will be different. After they are chewed and swallowed or just swallowed, reality sets in. Nothing ever changes. They are evil when they are on the outside of me and they are evil when they are inside of me. I feel so awful, so disgusted with myself. In the beginning I did not know any better so I could forgive myself. Now, after all these years I must know better and yet I continue, knowing that the food is infected with hopes and dreams of what could be. I become a zombie to the food, allowing it to take over as I listen to the voice and its instructions. It tells me that I can have everything I have ever wanted in my life if I listen and do exactly what I am instructed. I agree and wait patiently. I am apprehensive about what is next. How could this voice in my head know how to fix what doesn't work in my life? I feel as though I am wearing earphones that I can never take off. Someone has used superglue to keep them in place, knowing that I would grow tired and give in to the suggestions that were being offered.
I have not always been this way. I used to be happy, filled with joy, contentment and peace - What happened? I forgot who I was-I thought I needed to be different to be loved. I forgot that I am love. It is by loving myself that I feel loved. In one second I lost what it took me forever to find- Myself- or did it?
Maybe I am hiding because I feel more comfortable with the voice telling me that love is outside of me-that I need to prove to the world that I am worthy of that love. So I move around trying to find my place. Moving would be easier than sitting here, in this moment, acknowledging that I am afraid to be alone with myself. Saddened by the events that have brought me to this moment and yet feeling blessed because I would not be the person I am today without them.
So maybe-just maybe- the cookies and the ice cream are gifts. They are giving me the opportunity to choose differently, to believe in myself, to believe that I am capable of changing the voice that has been playing in my head. I can change the way I see myself and the way I interact in my world. I have the ability to change my thoughts, my Self and my future. I have the ability to change my life.
I have not always been this way. I used to be happy, filled with joy, contentment and peace - What happened? I forgot who I was-I thought I needed to be different to be loved. I forgot that I am love. It is by loving myself that I feel loved. In one second I lost what it took me forever to find- Myself- or did it?
Maybe I am hiding because I feel more comfortable with the voice telling me that love is outside of me-that I need to prove to the world that I am worthy of that love. So I move around trying to find my place. Moving would be easier than sitting here, in this moment, acknowledging that I am afraid to be alone with myself. Saddened by the events that have brought me to this moment and yet feeling blessed because I would not be the person I am today without them.
So maybe-just maybe- the cookies and the ice cream are gifts. They are giving me the opportunity to choose differently, to believe in myself, to believe that I am capable of changing the voice that has been playing in my head. I can change the way I see myself and the way I interact in my world. I have the ability to change my thoughts, my Self and my future. I have the ability to change my life.
Eating Disorder Treatment - Overcoming Eating Disorders
While the term "eating disorder" brings to mind a person who is severely underweight, in reality these disorders affect people who are many different shapes and sizes. People that suffer from an eating disorder can be the stereo-typical underweight or the severely overweight person, but more commonly they are everyday people that appear to be a healthy weight. Many times these types of disorders can be brought simply by a distorted body image that gets blown way out of proportion.
Sometimes, your support and understanding are enough to help a loved one with an eating disorder, but if they are not open to hearing what you have to say, do not try to force them into believing they have a problem. Just leave yourself available to talk about it when they find that they are ready. At times, that is the best help you can offer someone. Don't forget that when you offer them words of advice, you will not get anywhere by telling them that they would get better if they would just eat - or stop eating, in the case of someone who is overweight. This will only shut more doors than it opens.
Do not blame yourself for their condition, but more importantly, while you should not be afraid to communicate your concerns, do not allow yourself to place blame on them either.
If being supportive doesn't work, professional help may be required. In extreme cases, there are ways people who suffer from these disorders can get the help they need, such as an eating disorder treatment designed specifically for their particular problem by a therapist trained in this field.
Eating disorders affect more than just a person's weight, they affect their entire body, as well as their mind. That means the longer your loved one suffers from a distorted body image, the more damage they could be doing, and this damage can become irreparable.
A doctor will be able to assess the individual's problem and to address any concerns they may have, as well as offer an effective method of treatment. Psychotherapy is often recommended. This entails either group or individual therapy that aims to help them identify what is causing them to have an eating disorder in the first place.
After identifying the root cause of a person's disorder, the individual is then taught how to successfully address the issue. Recovery is commenced by encouraging them to improve their self esteem and to begin exploring healthy ways to cope with stress and other types of emotional pain. Occasionally, family therapy is also used.
It is incredibly important that some sort of therapy is sought for these kinds of problems, since the longer a disorder is left undiagnosed, the more complicated it will be to overcome - both physically and emotionally.
Sometimes, your support and understanding are enough to help a loved one with an eating disorder, but if they are not open to hearing what you have to say, do not try to force them into believing they have a problem. Just leave yourself available to talk about it when they find that they are ready. At times, that is the best help you can offer someone. Don't forget that when you offer them words of advice, you will not get anywhere by telling them that they would get better if they would just eat - or stop eating, in the case of someone who is overweight. This will only shut more doors than it opens.
Do not blame yourself for their condition, but more importantly, while you should not be afraid to communicate your concerns, do not allow yourself to place blame on them either.
If being supportive doesn't work, professional help may be required. In extreme cases, there are ways people who suffer from these disorders can get the help they need, such as an eating disorder treatment designed specifically for their particular problem by a therapist trained in this field.
Eating disorders affect more than just a person's weight, they affect their entire body, as well as their mind. That means the longer your loved one suffers from a distorted body image, the more damage they could be doing, and this damage can become irreparable.
A doctor will be able to assess the individual's problem and to address any concerns they may have, as well as offer an effective method of treatment. Psychotherapy is often recommended. This entails either group or individual therapy that aims to help them identify what is causing them to have an eating disorder in the first place.
After identifying the root cause of a person's disorder, the individual is then taught how to successfully address the issue. Recovery is commenced by encouraging them to improve their self esteem and to begin exploring healthy ways to cope with stress and other types of emotional pain. Occasionally, family therapy is also used.
It is incredibly important that some sort of therapy is sought for these kinds of problems, since the longer a disorder is left undiagnosed, the more complicated it will be to overcome - both physically and emotionally.
Curing My Depression With the Business of Colour
Depressed and dyslexic, having been stuck teaching business English in the big banks of Luxembourg for years, I really needed to bring a little colour into my life.
Monday morning early May 2008, having just moved into my new apartment that weekend, I woke up and saw my life stretch out in front of me. A straight forward highway of English lessons to pay the bills and paid bills to teach the lessons. I crashed.
Teaching English made my dyslexia ache. The constant repetitive drone of business terms sedated my brain. The interfering micro-management of language schools, HR departments and middle managers suffocated my creative instincts. I was depressed.
Depression is a curious thing. It doesn't just affect your emotional and intellectual state, it affects the way you see the world. The walls fold up around you and everything becomes grey.
I had a few false starts: scribbled attempts at poetry, a movie script intended for Hollywood, on demand English correction via e-mail and my own home-based teaching business. None it made me much money. All of it left me feeling ashamed.
I needed to change my life. I needed a creative, visual business that I could be proud of. I needed Colour Matt.
After so many forced false starts, it happened very naturally. A borrowed camera produced surprisingly high quality results. I had studied Film & Video at Art College and, before falling into teaching English and depression, made a couple of no-budget never-to-be-seen-again features, but had always struggled with the photographic aspect.
I decided 2010 was going to be a good year. Put simply, I was bored of being depressed. I swallowed what was left of my still stubborn pride and booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. I finally admitted to myself, I needed help. I finally felt, I deserved it.
Earning money from photography proved problematic. Weddings and portraits felt too similar to what I was already doing: service industry. Online selling sites, although inspiring, were at best, a long term, long shot. But unlike in the recent past, I refused not to move forward.
'We love it! It's the most original film we've seen in years, but we just can't make any money from it.' The words of a distributor back in 2004 have quietly haunted me since. I'd like to say my work was just too edgy, too ahead of its time, but in truthful hindsight, I was only making films for myself.
I won't speak publicly about a large part of my depression (it involves other people), but I can't help feeling that the last dismal five years have somehow been necessary. An inevitable need to finally listen to what had polluted all of my films, that curing my depression is an intrinsic part of being able to produce quality work.
I think of my depression as an addiction. A barbed wire blanket I wrapped around myself. A desperate self-destructive last line of defence against feelings I couldn't bear to feel. Like all addictions, once I got clean I had to face up to all the reasons I started using depression in the first place.
Trying to build a successful online business is immensely stressful. I still worry about money all the time. The indifference of the market place can feel a lot like a personal, humiliating rejection (get over it Toby). But, at the end of the day, I'm excited about the possibilities of next day. It's worth it.
Teaching English wasn't stressful at all. Being average at my job was not just acceptable, it was required: 'Just teach the text book Toby'. Like going to a mechanic to ask them what needs to be fixed on your car, teachers were encouraged first to 'under evaluate' clients, in order to secure contracts, and then 'over evaluate' their progress to keep HR departments happy.
I think this is one of the most misunderstood aspects of depression. In my experience depression doesn't occur when a person's life is too difficult, it occurs when a person's life is too, nothing. People, who are not depressed, think of depression as intense sadness. Sadness is a healthy, vital emotion. Depression is not sadness, nor is it any emotion, it is nothing.
It is an odd thing to realise you have not 'felt' for years. What I thought was sadness, was in fact depression. What I thought was happiness, was in fact anxiety: depression / anxiety, up / down.
Over the past few years, I've read a lot of articles about depression. They fall into two basic categories: personal stories and how-to-cure-depression-in-blah-blah-easy-steps-self-help-guides. The first is almost always fascinating and ultimately comforting in its honesty. The second is almost always tedious, glib one-size-fits-all arrogance, seldom written by anyone who has ever suffered from depression.
I hope this article falls into the first category. This is what works for me. John Lennon sang, 'Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright': Sine qua non. Without creativity, my life doesn't make much sense to me. However ridiculous and self indulgent that may or may not be; that is how it is.
I need to be able to create, both in terms of production and in the overall approach to my business. To work in a business where cheeky, outside the box solutions are essential. I never want to find myself in the position of having to be average, where I am obliged to add to the grey again.
I was 19 when I said 'no' to an interview at Cambridge University. I wanted to go to Film School. I felt that life was hard regardless of what you do, so you might as well do what you want. I've questioned that decision in the past five years many times. I've worried that it was the arrogance of youth, rather than the insight I believed it to be at the time.
They say the test of any decision is, given the same set of circumstances, would make the same choice again. At 33 I find myself taking chances again, and feeling more alive than I have in years. That arrogant kid wasn't far wrong:
Find that one thing that brings meaning to your life. And make sure, whatever else happens, you always have it in your life. It'll help you get through the night.
I was born & grew up in the North of England. I now live in Luxembourg.
I first learned my photography in the guise of film-making which I did at Art Collage for three years. Like most filmmakers of my generation I did a lot of my work on video, but I also had the good fortune to work with 16mm film on several projects. After leaving Art Collage I had a fair crack at independent (noooo budget) film-making, but stopped when I felt I'd reached an impasse.
About two years ago (after being bored out of my mind teaching English in various Investment Banks here in Luxembourg) I borrowed my sister's Canon 400D camera, and started to take a few photographs. Having not been very good at the photography component of my degree, I was as surprised as anyone to discover I could actually take one or two decent photographs.
With 12 original designs in 6 eye-catching colour schemes over 16 different products, Colour Matt allows you to pick 'n' mix your favourite designs & colours, customize and place on the products you like best.
Brighten up your darkest days with fun and friendly products for your home or office, university or school: binders, calendars, magnets and mousepads, mugs, posters and stickers.
Share the colour with your family, friends and loved ones: greeting cards, postcards and stamps.
Take the colour wherever you go and brighten the lives of everyone you meet: bags, bumper stickers, buttons and keychains, shoes and skateboards.
Monday morning early May 2008, having just moved into my new apartment that weekend, I woke up and saw my life stretch out in front of me. A straight forward highway of English lessons to pay the bills and paid bills to teach the lessons. I crashed.
Teaching English made my dyslexia ache. The constant repetitive drone of business terms sedated my brain. The interfering micro-management of language schools, HR departments and middle managers suffocated my creative instincts. I was depressed.
Depression is a curious thing. It doesn't just affect your emotional and intellectual state, it affects the way you see the world. The walls fold up around you and everything becomes grey.
I had a few false starts: scribbled attempts at poetry, a movie script intended for Hollywood, on demand English correction via e-mail and my own home-based teaching business. None it made me much money. All of it left me feeling ashamed.
I needed to change my life. I needed a creative, visual business that I could be proud of. I needed Colour Matt.
After so many forced false starts, it happened very naturally. A borrowed camera produced surprisingly high quality results. I had studied Film & Video at Art College and, before falling into teaching English and depression, made a couple of no-budget never-to-be-seen-again features, but had always struggled with the photographic aspect.
I decided 2010 was going to be a good year. Put simply, I was bored of being depressed. I swallowed what was left of my still stubborn pride and booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. I finally admitted to myself, I needed help. I finally felt, I deserved it.
Earning money from photography proved problematic. Weddings and portraits felt too similar to what I was already doing: service industry. Online selling sites, although inspiring, were at best, a long term, long shot. But unlike in the recent past, I refused not to move forward.
'We love it! It's the most original film we've seen in years, but we just can't make any money from it.' The words of a distributor back in 2004 have quietly haunted me since. I'd like to say my work was just too edgy, too ahead of its time, but in truthful hindsight, I was only making films for myself.
I won't speak publicly about a large part of my depression (it involves other people), but I can't help feeling that the last dismal five years have somehow been necessary. An inevitable need to finally listen to what had polluted all of my films, that curing my depression is an intrinsic part of being able to produce quality work.
I think of my depression as an addiction. A barbed wire blanket I wrapped around myself. A desperate self-destructive last line of defence against feelings I couldn't bear to feel. Like all addictions, once I got clean I had to face up to all the reasons I started using depression in the first place.
Trying to build a successful online business is immensely stressful. I still worry about money all the time. The indifference of the market place can feel a lot like a personal, humiliating rejection (get over it Toby). But, at the end of the day, I'm excited about the possibilities of next day. It's worth it.
Teaching English wasn't stressful at all. Being average at my job was not just acceptable, it was required: 'Just teach the text book Toby'. Like going to a mechanic to ask them what needs to be fixed on your car, teachers were encouraged first to 'under evaluate' clients, in order to secure contracts, and then 'over evaluate' their progress to keep HR departments happy.
I think this is one of the most misunderstood aspects of depression. In my experience depression doesn't occur when a person's life is too difficult, it occurs when a person's life is too, nothing. People, who are not depressed, think of depression as intense sadness. Sadness is a healthy, vital emotion. Depression is not sadness, nor is it any emotion, it is nothing.
It is an odd thing to realise you have not 'felt' for years. What I thought was sadness, was in fact depression. What I thought was happiness, was in fact anxiety: depression / anxiety, up / down.
Over the past few years, I've read a lot of articles about depression. They fall into two basic categories: personal stories and how-to-cure-depression-in-blah-blah-easy-steps-self-help-guides. The first is almost always fascinating and ultimately comforting in its honesty. The second is almost always tedious, glib one-size-fits-all arrogance, seldom written by anyone who has ever suffered from depression.
I hope this article falls into the first category. This is what works for me. John Lennon sang, 'Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright': Sine qua non. Without creativity, my life doesn't make much sense to me. However ridiculous and self indulgent that may or may not be; that is how it is.
I need to be able to create, both in terms of production and in the overall approach to my business. To work in a business where cheeky, outside the box solutions are essential. I never want to find myself in the position of having to be average, where I am obliged to add to the grey again.
I was 19 when I said 'no' to an interview at Cambridge University. I wanted to go to Film School. I felt that life was hard regardless of what you do, so you might as well do what you want. I've questioned that decision in the past five years many times. I've worried that it was the arrogance of youth, rather than the insight I believed it to be at the time.
They say the test of any decision is, given the same set of circumstances, would make the same choice again. At 33 I find myself taking chances again, and feeling more alive than I have in years. That arrogant kid wasn't far wrong:
Find that one thing that brings meaning to your life. And make sure, whatever else happens, you always have it in your life. It'll help you get through the night.
I was born & grew up in the North of England. I now live in Luxembourg.
I first learned my photography in the guise of film-making which I did at Art Collage for three years. Like most filmmakers of my generation I did a lot of my work on video, but I also had the good fortune to work with 16mm film on several projects. After leaving Art Collage I had a fair crack at independent (noooo budget) film-making, but stopped when I felt I'd reached an impasse.
About two years ago (after being bored out of my mind teaching English in various Investment Banks here in Luxembourg) I borrowed my sister's Canon 400D camera, and started to take a few photographs. Having not been very good at the photography component of my degree, I was as surprised as anyone to discover I could actually take one or two decent photographs.
With 12 original designs in 6 eye-catching colour schemes over 16 different products, Colour Matt allows you to pick 'n' mix your favourite designs & colours, customize and place on the products you like best.
Brighten up your darkest days with fun and friendly products for your home or office, university or school: binders, calendars, magnets and mousepads, mugs, posters and stickers.
Share the colour with your family, friends and loved ones: greeting cards, postcards and stamps.
Take the colour wherever you go and brighten the lives of everyone you meet: bags, bumper stickers, buttons and keychains, shoes and skateboards.
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